The 30s are an understated blessing—a decade of self-learning like no other. You understand many “whys’s” and you also understand why each “why” cannot be answered yet. You come to terms with life’s curveballs and you make peace with individuals around you. Especially those who may have negatively impacted your life. It is also now that you realize that just like yourself, all the adults around you, have reasons for being who they are today—their company and circumstances shaped them too. 

It is thus—in my opinion—that Allah chose 40 to be the age of maturity, at which our beloved prophet began receiving revelation. The important thing to note though, is how we individually use these time/place/people epiphanies to shape our future self and our future decade.

Some individuals use these reasons as excuses for being who they are, while others work on themselves to turn them into stepping stones to being better versions of themselves everyday. And this is where true growth lies—allowing our different company and situations over the years to mold ourselves into the عبد (slave) that Allah chose for us to be, both in حقوق الله (rights of Allah upon you) and in حقوق العباد  (rights of other slaves of Allah upon you). 

Being unable to filter through our given situations, to learn from them and to improve ourselves is what leads to extremism of all kinds. One bad experience with a certain nationality makes the entire country reprehensible. One bad marriage makes every individual of the opposite gender doubtful. These blanket statements are seedlings of invisible discrimination that seems to set in very easily and eventually steer our every thought and move.

This labelling actually leads to self-destruction. It shows an inability to introspect because there are rarely situations in which the entire fault is one-sided. This is why Allah said in the Quran   

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَـٰكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍۢ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلْنَـٰكُمْ شُعُوبًۭا وَقَبَآئِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوٓا۟ ۚ إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَتْقَىٰكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌۭ ١٣

O humanity! Indeed, We created you from a male and a female, and made you into peoples and tribes so that you may ˹get to˺ know one another. Surely the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous among you. Allah is truly All-Knowing, All-Aware. (49:13)*

Allah has created us all unique and one of our purposes after complete submission to Him alone is to comprehend that there is beauty in uniqueness. When we fail to do so and when we stop giving excuses to our brothers and sisters, especially the believing ones, we stop fulfilling our worldly duties. 

May Allah grant us all insight and the ability to look within before pointing fingers and to grow as individuals and societies of understanding.